5 Things to STOP Doing in Your Relationship in 2018

Things to Stop Doing in Your Relationship: If you’re in a long-term relationship, it’s likely the honeymoon stage is long gone. You love and adore your partner, but with life’s hectic hustle, you often forget to check in with them; connect with them; even have the energy to have sex with them. As a Relationship Therapist running Modern Love Counseling, (and a married person myself), I find these challenges to be extremely common and in fact, really normal.

Here’s the truth… the lack of energy and time to connect with your partner isn’t the issue. It becomes an issue when that state becomes the norm in your relationship and you slowly lose sight of each other altogether.

I’ve compiled a few tips on what to stop doing or avoid doing if you’re in the long-term relationship. Do I hear a New Year’s Resolution coming? (Here’s a hint: YES! These tips are actually fulfilling and all require practicing mindfulness!) Cheers to a new year, a more mindful state of being, and more quality connection with your babe.

Listen, I get it. There are things about your partner that you wish were different. Maybe they deal with their frustrations differently that tend to cause you both a lot of stress. Maybe they always leave the toilet seat up, or use your toothbrush even after you’ve told them to (f-ing) stop. Whatever their quarks, try to be more mindful of how often you point them out and how little you verbalize your appreciation and love of their non-quarking parts and contributions. You may be surprised at how often you pick at each other and how little you express gratitude… and believe it of not, we are more motivated by praise than criticism. So this may end up being a win win practice!

2. Things to stop doing in your relationship in 2018: Tip #2

Stop ignoring each other.

We all work stressful jobs. Some of us have children, health issues, familial stresses. Life seems to never slow down enough to breathe at times. You may not even realize, but you often ignore each other, in an innocent attempt to cope with your own day. Sometimes, we just need to be alone and have or space to be lazy and zone out. This is healthy– and a necessity! However, try to be more mindful of how often you get on your electronics during dinner, or how often you both don’t engage with each other when you’re in the same room. Are you talking? Are you touching? Do you have any idea how they are feeling at this current moment?  Try to be more intentional about considering your partner’s presence and asking more clearly for when you need alone time so it doesn’t feel neglectful.

This is a tough one, because I don’t personally believe we do this intentionally. We may not even realize how easy it is to do, but the reality is… we do it often. We forget that we (ourselves and our partners) choose to be in our lives everyday. They have the choice to be faithful, loving, respectful, and trustworthy. We are choosing to live our lives together in such an innate way and even though it’s easy to forget at times, it’s important to remember and acknowledge. That, in it of itself, is something we can all be grateful for. Show your partner you love them by leaving small notes around the house, randomly hugging them with a verbal affirmation or even gifting a Modern Love Box…. 🙂

4. Things to stop doing in your relationship in 2018: Tip #4

I promise you— we all think about our neighbor’s grass from time to time. We are curious by nature. However, one of the main reasons monogamy is such a difficult concept in our culture, is our ease and accessibility to so many other things (i.e. people). This can clog our ability to really value what we have and to work through things together. The reality is, it takes time to create security. It takes time to create balance and equality. It takes time to work through issues; to enhance intimacy and sustain happiness long-term. This concept is hard for a lot of us who struggle in our relationships because we see how easy it is to not have to work for it if we went elsewhere. 

But here’s the thing; there is no perfect couple out there. Social media only captures the fun and exciting moments of a couple’s life. This year, start being more mindful of how often you glorify other relationships and do whatever is necessary to stop. It’s only creating a wedge between you and your partner, which is preventing you from having the happiness and fulfillment that you ultimately want anyway.

5. Things to stop doing in your relationship in 2018: Tip #5

This is maybe something you don’t even realize you do, but often times we innately go inward when we are stressed, scared, struggling in any way, verses turning toward our partner and asking for reassurance, acceptance, encouragement, etc. This year, try to be more mindful of how often you need something, but choose not to ask for it. This can be helpful in any of your relationships and can prevent a lot of resentment from creeping up and causing havoc.