11 Easy Ways to Enhance the Romance and Increase Your Intimacy : How to Spice up the Romance and Why it's Important
How to spice up the romance is a question all of us in a longterm relationship have asked. Maybe you started your relationship off with a lot of romance or maybe you have felt it has been lacking since day one. Romance helps with enhancing intimacy and closeness; it can help both of you feel more appreciated, desired and thought of. Romance doesn't have to be something spectacular or take months to prep for. You just need some quality time, thoughtfulness and a little initiative to go outside of your comfort zone or routine. Romance just means being attentive to your partner's needs. Longterm relationships can get stale and often times we don't know how to sustain the connection we once had. (This is normal by the way!)
Making romance a priority can be the very best thing to invest your time in, as it will rejuvenate your spark and enhance your closeness for longterm fulfillment. It'll help you get out of any rut and/or prevent a rut from happening. The beauty about romance is it doesn't have to be perfect, it can be something you incorporate at any stage of your relationship and it isn't as difficult as you may think that it is. Another benefit is that you can do these tips repeatedly and they will never get old! So if you find yourself in need of some inspiration or some support, here are some helpful ways to get you started!
How to Spice up the Romance #1: Ask your partner on a date (and plan one).
That simple. Even if you have been married for 10 years, it can be incredibly romantic to get an invitation to go on a date from your partner out of the blue. Try asking in a way that you would ask if we were first dating. Would you send flowers with a cute request? Would you text it with a fun emoji? Would you be face to face? Whatever you decide, don't over think it. This request does not have to be perfect or like anything from a movie. Again, just the simple and spontaneous request to go on a date is enough for any longterm partner to appreciate. When you make the plans, nostalgia is where it's at! Think of the first place you both kissed, went out for HH, or had your first anniversary. Something meaningful (even if it is a SUBWAY) is super romantic because it's intentionally thought out. Of course, trying something new could be a tangent to your date later. If you are struggling with finding places to go or things to do during COVID, you can still make any date night special. Try painting portraits of each other, (naked is optional!), or streaming a live concert. Have a dance party in your living room, or cozy up to a fire. Take turns playing your favorite songs from high school or reminisce with old photos together. Remember, romance is about quality time... not about where you go.
How to Spice up the Romance #2: Make a Gift
May sound cheesy, but something you can offer your partner that no one else in the world can, is a handmade gift from you. Recently, Aron made me a wooden bathtub tray and surprised me with candles, rose petals and a cup of tea one random day for no apparent reason. It was incredibly romantic and thoughtful. I will never forget how that moment made me feel. So think about what your partner enjoys doing, needs and/or would really appreciate and try making it yourself. Check out these easy DIY ideas for inspiration!
How to Spice up the Romance #3: Be Thoughtful
What does your partner enjoy but rarely indulge in? Do they need a new pair of jeans or their favorite dessert? What things do they struggle with? Is there something you can intentionally take off their plate? Being thoughtful in the day-to-day is incredibly romantic and helps strengthen the partnership. If your partner is usually the one that does things to show you they love you, maybe it's time you reciprocate with intention. Be more mindful of the little subtle things that can help them feel loved, seen and/or appreciated.
How to Spice up the Romance #4: Offer a Massage
The sexiest, most romantic gesture is to offer a massage without sex being the ultimate goal. This may lead to sex, but if you offer a massage, just for the sake of decompressing and supporting your partner, it will take any potential pressure off the moment. This isn't to say that you shouldn't offer a romantic massage with the intention of sex being the goal, just suggesting that a massage without sexpectations can really increase the intimacy in your relationship.
How to Spice up the Romance #5: Leave Notes
My grandparents used to leave notes around the house for each other and sometimes it was just to say hi, I love you. Since my grandpa has passed, I have one of the notes that he wrote her and the gesture of expressing himself in that way is incredibly meaningful even to this day. Although we live in a world with immediate technology at our finger tips, take an intentional moment to actually leave your partner a hand written note. Doesn't have to be a poem you created, (although that would be really sweet!), it just has to be something intentional like an inside joke, a suggestive hint, or a term of endearment.
How to Spice up the Romance #6: Make Special Surprises
One day plan to come home with flowers, your partner's favorite Starbuck's drink and/or their favorite food. Surprises don't have to come from a rom-com movie to be romantic or special. If you have a thought to do something you think they would appreciate, then just do it. Don't get stuck in your head about whether or not it is a good idea, or get caught up in your day you forget. Make it a priority. It doesn't have to be perfect or elaborate to get the romantic point across.
How to Spice up the Romance #7: Offer Giving Your Partner a Day of No Responsibilities
Being able to rely on your partner to "take care of the endless to-do's" is really quite sexy and romantic. Maybe not in the traditional sense, but since couples have been equally working in their careers more and more, the day-to-day can be very overwhelming. Set a day to offer to your partner a day of rest and you can be responsible for the groceries, cooking, light cleaning, and/or childcare.
How to Spice up the Romance #8: Plan a Staycation
If this is within your means, plan a staycation as often as possible. No friends, no family... just the two of you. Plan your meals ahead of time, take board games and turn off your notifications on your phone. Having intentional time to enjoy each other is romantic enough to revive any longterm relationship. Try including one of our date boxes on your trip! We have everything you need to unbox a sexy date night wherever you are!
How to Spice up the Romance #9: Be Seductive
Romance can also be very sexual and obvious. If it's been a while since the two of you have explored sexually or have gotten out of your sexual routines, it may be time to get out of your comfort zones. Come home wearing a sexy outfit underneath your work clothes, (or better yet, be wearing nothing but a sexy outfit when your partner comes home!) Send sexy texts and flirt with each other! *If you are both stuck in the house all the time due to WFH (work from home) since COVID, I'd suggest you schedule time apart every week to help spread out the togetherness. I would also suggest scheduling time every week for intentional time together, not just eating dinner together because you both have to eat. Also, if you are working from home together, you can still find moments for a quickie, and/or provocative texts. Try to enjoy the perks of working from home! :)
How to Spice up the Romance #10: Compliment
You may find your partner attractive, but rarely say it. Or, you may only say it in sexualized ways. Patting your partner on the butt doesn't always translate to, "you're so beautiful," so maybe instead of a love tap, next time try to whisper in their ear what you think of them. Compliments that come from a place of genuine appreciation and attraction can be incredibly romantic.
How to Spice up the Romance #11: Communicate!
This may not even be on your radar, but when two people really communicate about everything and anything, it's romantic. It's tapping into your chemistry and helping the two of you bond and connect in very intimate ways. If you aren't the best communicator, or you don't think to speak everything on your mind, that's ok, but it may be time to prioritize this part of your relationship. Trying preventative couples counseling is always a good option or exploring our digital subscription for communication prompts can be just what you need! Either way, communicating regularly and vulnerably is very romantic and bonding.
Are you in a longterm relationship? How do you sustain the spark and romance? Please share your unique ways you build romance in your relationship!
Creative Date Night Ideas: What To Do & How to Have a Creative Date Night
What is a "creative date night?" If you're anything like Aron & I, sometimes you get bored. It's not that you don't love and adore each other, but sometimes, you feel like you've talked about everything; sometimes, you feel like you know everything about each other; sometimes, you stress about coming up with a creative date night, that you get too overwhelmed and just resort to Netflix.
You are normal! It's hard coming up with stimulating things to do together. Especially if you've been together for a long time!
Aron and I have been a couple since 2009 (learn more about our story). We can get complacent in our weekly date nights to the same restaurants. Sometimes we zone out in front of the TV or get immersed in our iPhones. Sometimes, we get so busy that time and energy seem to get the best of us and everyday can feel exactly the same.
Well... Clearly, we created The Modern Love Box to support couples nationally in their search for relationship enhancement and a cure for modern relationship boredom. We are passionate about our connection and try our best to consistently date, flirt and connect as often as possible. We have to consistently invest in our relationships!
Here are some of our favorite and most creative date night ideas to help you spice up the romance, bump up your creative date night and boost your quality time!
Creative Date Night #1 : Dance Party!
One of our favorite things to do is make craft cocktails and have a dance party in the living room. Sounds silly, but it's actually pretty fun. Get together and look up some craft cocktail recipes or research some good wine. Pick a night that works for both of you and put "Dance Party" on your calendars. On the night of your party, make cocktails together and take turns picking/playing your favorite songs together. Dance the night away! Be silly, be playful, be romantic.
Creative Date Night #2 : Adventure Walk
Sometimes getting out of your comfort zone and normal routine is really all we need to feel re-energized and excited. For this creative date, you'll be exploring a neighborhood that you don't know much about; one that you don't often go to. Whether you stumble upon it or research it, truck up to a neighborhood and start exploring. Once, Aron & I planned a jog in a random neighborhood. We literally laced up our shoes and drove to a neighborhood we had never been to. It had an amazing path and the scenery was new and fresh. We talked, we laughed, we even ran longer than usual. Afterward, we found a brewery and had a fresh beer!
Creative Date Night #3 : Sexy Scavenger Hunt
As a fun surprise, take each other to a sexy shop and once you get there, go your separate ways. Give each other a budget and find some goodies for the evening to come. One you get home, take turns hiding your goodies all around the house with a little sexy riddle, a memory, a flirtatious compliment, and/or a sexy request. Here's a perk... at each hidden location, you have to use your sexy goody!
Creative Date Night #4 : Naked Glow in the Dark Hide & Seek
I used to love hide and seek.. still do actually. I often find myself hiding in random places only to scare Aron just for a good laugh...(I'm horrible, I know). Anyway, with this creative date night you can merge the playful fun of hide and seek with a sexy spin! Go to the dollar store and get a bunch of glow in the dark necklaces and bracelets. Go back home, turn off all the lights and dress down to only your birthday suit. Put on the glow in the dark jewelry and take turns hiding and seeking! If this isn't a creative date night, we don't know what is!?
Creative Date Night #5: Sip & Paint Portraits
One night Aron & I went to a craft store and bought some inexpensive canvases and paint. We came home, poured ourselves a glass of wine and decorated the living room with lights and candles. We put some music on and set up our canvases to face each other. Together, we sipped on our paint, talked and did our best attempt at painting each other's portraits.
TOO FUN. We are no Picasso, but we had a blast. (This is similar to our Creative Expression Box!)
Creative Date Night #6 : Exotic Dinner
Research an exotic market place near you (example: Asian Grocery Store, Indian Market, etc). Then, research an exotic recipe for dinner and head to the market to find your appropriate ingredients. Head back home, find a Pandora Music station that fits your theme and make your exotic dinner together as a creative date night! Who says you have to go on a fancy vacation to experience culture and enjoy yummy food? Ugh.. Creative date night? I'd say so!
Creative Date Night #7 : Bookstore Expert
Find a fun bookstore-- used, fancy, whatever you enjoy. Take an hour to separate and get lost in whatever interests you. After your hour is up, come back together, get some coffee and share with each other your expert knowledge on whatever subject you just spent the last hour learning about. Your partner may find your new expert intelligence pretty hot....
Hope these ideas inspire you both and are helpful when thinking about a creative date night. Feel free to leave comments, suggestions and/or other ideas! For more inspiration check out The Modern Love Box subscription or Shop!
7 Signs You'd Benefit From More Quality Time with Your Partner
What is "quality time" and why is it important? Well, if you are in a relationship in today's world, then you understand how difficult it is to balance career, family, friends, hobbies, romance, quality connection, sex, self-care, relaxation, house duties, etc, etc. We wear many hats and we often forget to take them all off and just be. Life is hectic and non-stop. We put a lot of pressure on ourselves to have a great career, to make lots of money, to be a great parent, to have many friends, to have many hobbies, to have a clean house, to manage our life in a way that is seemingly flawless. Finding time to balance intentional quality time for yourself and your partner may seem non-existant and/or few and far between.
It's hard to prioritize our relationship sometimes because we often allow other responsibilities and pressures to take precedence. When we have too much going on we can forget about what really matters. It can be extremely difficult to find that balance in responsibilities, obligations and needs/desires. Quality time is important because it helps us feel connected to our partner; it helps us feel more grounded and supported, and also helps us feel more attractive and desired.
If you check "yes" to any of these signs, it may be time to crank up the QT with your cutie!
Here are 7 signs that you and your partner may benefit from more quality time.
1. You don't have weekly date nights with just the two of you.
Kids or no kids. Your relationship needs more quality interaction than just a random night out once every other month or so. If you are parents, I can understand this is easier said than done, but prioritizing your relationship will only make the two of you more fulfilled and will help the two of you work better together as parents. If you struggle with finding a babysitter, start scheduling time when your child is asleep. Turn off the TV and making connection intentional. You don't need to go somewhere to create a date night at home.
2. You feel sex is a chore.
Let's face it. Sex can fizzle. Desire and romance can fluctuate as your relationship progresses. I have said this before and I will say it again, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you or your partner if you experience this sometimes. It is completely normal to have lulls in passion and physical intimacy, however, sex shouldn't feel like a chore. You should communicate more about your expectations around sex so you can lower the anxiety and pressure around it. You should also take more time prioritizing quality time so the two of you can feel more connected, (i.e. making sex more enticing).
3. You only talk about work, responsibilities and/or children.
If you find yourselves only talking about practical things, then your relationship can definitely benefit from more quality connection. You may find yourselves often in auto-pilot and just talking at each other rather than emotionally checking in with your partner. This may be a sign that you both don't even realize how dis-connected you are from your own needs and desires.
4. You haven't been on a getaway in over 6 months.
I know, you may read this and think, "We haven't been on a getaway in 3 years!" If this is the case, don't worry! I am only mentioning this piece because I think quality getaways are a sure way to promote quality interactions, spontaneity and intimacy. If you are on a budget or have children that you don't want to leave for a long period of time, try going to a hotel in your city for the night once every few months. A "getaway" does not need to be a lavish vacation, it should just be an exclusive time away from the normalcy in your lives.
5. You don't ever eat meals together.
Maybe your schedules don't permit this. Maybe you have children. Regardless, if you find yourselves never (or rarely) eating
together, you may need a date night out to dinner with just the two of you to focus on only the two of you. Meal time can be stressful if you're taking care of others while trying to feed yourself, but they can also be very connecting if you only have each other to distract you.
6. You have a rigid routine.
Routines can be helpful (even though I realize they are not for everyone!) Being Type A myself, I create a "to-do-list" every morning. However, if find yourselves in such a rigid routine that you don't carve out time to be spontaneous and/or flexible, then you both may be craving the desire to be more present and engaged with each other without the schedule. Try to include "connection" on your to-do list and prioritize that daily. It could be a small walk around the block or a quick trip the grocery store, as along as you are making it intentional and it's not something you normally do, you can boost the quality time daily.
7. You find yourselves snipping at each other often.
If you and your partner are "getting on each other nerves" more regularly, it may be a sign that you need more quality connection and less robotic / practical interactions with each other. Being on edge and arguing over little things for a brief moment, may be an indicator that you both may be subconsciously craving more quality time together. You miss each other, but instead of saying that, it's often easier to get frustrated at one another instead.
Remember that your versions of "quality time" are different. I often hear this from my couples. One person's idea of "quality time" is sitting on the sofa after work and watching a TV show together. While the other person's idea of "quality time" is having conversations about life and each other's day at work without any interruptions. Neither is "right or wrong," however, both parties could benefit from their cups being filled. Talk to each other and ask for examples of how your partner experiences "quality time." How can both of you find the balance in supporting each other's versions?
The Modern Love Box was created specifically to support meaningful and intentional connection with you and your partner. No need to leave the convenience of your home. All you need to do is carve out the time and be present. Created by a Relationship Expert and her husband, our boxes are meant to inspire you and your partner to connect in meaningful ways so you can bump up your quality time! Start your subscription today!