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9 Must Ask Questions For Your Partner

9 Must Ask Questions For Your Partner: Why is it important to ask questions and enhance your communication?

Here are 9 Must Ask Questions For Your Partner: Been together for years? Just a few months? Regardless of the age of your relationship, you may find yourselves at times not really knowing what to communicate about. Unless it involves practical day-to-day tasks or work related issues, you may find yourselves in silence over romantic dinners or relying on sex or physical touch to offer you a sense of comfort.

This doesn’t mean your relationship is doomed. Nor does this mean there is something wrong in your relationship. It’s just important to be aware of these missed opportunities to connect differently and gain the tools (such as The Modern Love Box) to help you create different experiences.

Why? Well, because you are investing time, vulnerability, energy and commitment to your partner. Why not commit to growing in your partnership and learning more about each other? It will make your relationship more secure, more comfortable and safer when issues arise and discomfort pushes your comfort zones. Growth in your relationship also helps enhance intimacy and strengthens your bond. So, why wouldn’t you want this? 

One of the most important factors to The Modern Love Box’s philosophy is having engaging, deep and intimate conversations, such as the 9 Must Ask Questions For Your Partner (below). We believe curious communication is just as important as working on your sexual and romantic connection.

Sometimes, we don’t always know how to initiate curious conversations or what content to even bring to the table.

This is normal; this is also why we chose to create The Modern Love Box, because we know how difficult enhancing levels of your relationship can be at times. We also know how common this is.

Included in each box, you both receive a curated experience that leads you to engaging communication and offers something different for you both to explore through products and activities.

Below, you will find “9 Must Ask Questions For Your Partner,” an example of what to expect from our Communication Activities. We suggest taking turns asking each other the following questions. Be sure you are both able to be engaged without any distractions. Be curious, playful, and most importantly honest. Challenge yourself to really think about your answers go outside of your comfort zones by expressing vulnerabilities and emotions. We hope you both appreciate the after effects of your experience once you have both shared your responses to each other.

9 Must Ask Questions For Your Partner: Want to feel closer? Want to engage in more intimate ways, but aren’t sure how to initiate the convo?

Refer to our Communication Activity “9 Must Ask Questions For Your Partner” below as a gentle prompt for furthering your communication and feeling more emotionally connected.

You’re welcome. 🙂 

Must Ask Questions For Your Partner

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5 Ways Your Partner Perceives You as Emotionally Unavailable

5 Ways Your Partner Perceives You as Emotionally Unavailable

Are You Emotionally Unavailable? You may have heard your partner say to you, “I don’t feel connected to you,” or “I wish we would connect more.” What does this even mean and why aren’t you connecting in the way they are requesting?

Well, if you struggle with understanding your partner’s definition of “connection” or don’t fully understand why your partner is requesting more connectedness, you may find yourself feeling really frustrated. At times, you may even start to feel criticized and struggle with not feeling good enough; your partner may pull away from you and may find yourself struggling with what else to do. You hear your partner’s requests, but you aren’t sure how to meet those needs.

Often times, this feedback from our partner isn’t a criticism, but rather, a genuine request at needing to feel closer to you. This is often in the form of emotional connection, which is why it cannot always be clearly defined. Here are a few ways that your partner may be perceiving you as being emotionally unavailable and what you can do about it.

Here are 5 ways that your partner may be perceiving you as being emotionally unavailable:

#1 Your needs are super “simple.”

Maybe you don’t think you have a lot of needs and you would consider yourself pretty “simple.” Why may your partner misunderstand this as being emotionally unavailable? Well, to start, they may feel a sense of closeness to you when they discuss with you their needs and feelings. If they don’t experience you expressing your needs and feelings, they may make the assumption it’s because you aren’t wanting to be emotionally engaged with them. Not that this is wrong on either part, but this may be a sign to your partner that you are emotionally unavailable. This also may make your partner feel “needy” as they have a list of requests from you and don’t feel you need anything from them. You may never match each other’s needs, (this is not the goal), but maybe it’s time to really think about yourself on a deeper level because there may be needs in there that you have either dismissed and/or never identified them as “needs.”

As yourself: How would I feel appreciated, supported, loved, desired, (etc) by my partner? Would they do something? Say something? This can help you articulate it to you partner in a more “emotionally connecting” way.

#2 You aren’t emotionally attune to yourself.

This is a huge indictor that you are emotionally unavailable at times. If you are not practicing emotional awareness for yourself on a daily basis, you may not even realize that you are struggling with connecting with your partner emotionally. By not being emotionally attune to yourself, you can’t fully empathize or meet them on a deeper intimate level. Our partners often need us to sit in our discomfort with us; not fix the discomfort. Our partner often need us to let down our guard and be close to us emotionally. In order to do this, it requires both people to be somewhat emotionally open and vulnerable. If you find yourself unaware of your own emotions or needs, try to practice mindfulness and self awareness to increase your level of emotional intelligence. This will not only benefit your partnership, but always support you in ways you may not even realize.

#3 You feel criticized a lot and react defensively.

We all get defensive sometimes. We all get triggered and find ourselves feeling sensitive about a particular experience. This is normal. However, if you find yourself getting defensive more often than you are unguarded when your partner tries to communicate to you about deeper things, it may be time to re-evaluate why. Your partner may be experiencing a sense of insecurity or rejection if they perceive they can not come to you about emotional things. This can be a huge issue if your partner consistently feels insecure and doesn’t feel they can rely on you for emotional support.

 #4 Emotions make you uncomfortable.

Do dramatic movies make you cringe? Do you feel yourself shutting down when someone cries? This may be because you are so far removed from your own emotions that you struggle with compartmentalizing others in the same way you compartmentalize your own. This may be causing difficulty in your relationship because your partner may want to expose their feelings to you in order to feel secure, safe and intimate. If this makes you feel uncomfortable, most likely they experience you shutting down. This sends them a message that you don’t care (which isn’t the case, you just don’t know what to do!). Try to communicate to your partner that you are listening; you are there with them, but maybe be more transparent in that moment by telling them that you may be feeling uncomfortable and you aren’t sure why. Transparency is really helpful because it clears the air of any assumptions of either of your parts.

#5 You don’t feel vulnerable often… or possibly ever.

If you yourself, never really expose vulnerability, then this is definitely an indictor that your partner may perceive you as emotionally unavailable. Intimacy is created when two people are being vulnerable; this is sexually, emotionally, mentally. If you are constantly protecting your vulnerability, then you never really allow your partner in all the way. If your partner has expressed that they feel disconnected from you or there is a lack of passion in the relationship, it may be because they aren’t engaging with this emotional piece of you.

If you find yourself relating to any of these behaviors, don’t worry, there is nothing wrong with you. You also don’t have to feel pressured to change who you are. If anything, this is helpful content to inspire you to be more attune to yourself and learn more about “what’s under the hood.” Most often I find men struggle with this, but women can also struggle with being emotionally unavailable.

Generally speaking, men process information more internally than women do; women speak as they process information which why they are generally more communicative. Neither is better or worse, but there is a huge difference.

Try to find a balance in your relationship and realize that the healthier your relationship is, the more self aware you have to become.

Self awareness eliminates assumptions, projections and petty arguments. Self awareness creates humility and safety in your relationship; it helps bond you together more emotionally. The purpose of being more self aware isn’t to master it or be perfect at it; the purpose is to let each other in a bit more, enhance your intimacy and learn more about yourselves!

It is in my opinion that we are all emotional beings regardless of gender, but we are often conditioned to express these emotions differently. We have the tendency to misunderstand our partners a lot when there isn’t full disclosure or understanding of one another on a deeper level. This is why your partner may be perceiving you at times as emotionally unavailable, which is often a misunderstanding. try practicing being more self aware and attune to yourself regularly.

Thanks for reading.

11 Thoughtful Ideas for Valentine’s Day

11 Thoughtful Ideas for Valentine’s Day

Do you ever think to yourself, “Do I even have any ideas for Valentine’s Day? We’ve done everything! I’ve gotten so many Valentine’s Day Gifts! What else left is there to do?” If you’re anything like me, you’ve also fallen off the romantic train a few times and you feel discouraged when the infamous romantic holiday rears it’s lovely head.

It can be challenging at times to think of something genuine, creative or even thoughtful when Valentine’s Day creeps up. We work a lot, we have social lives; life sometimes gets the best of our energy and when Valentine’s Day comes around, we may feel uninspired. Hey, it’s ok! 

Aron and I are not huge fans of Valentine’s Day, but we think it’s important to regularly date each other and do things that are intentional together. Whether you have spent hours racking your brain around ideas for Valentine’s Day, or you’d like to surprise your S.O. randomly, I’m hopeful this list will inspire you to enjoy time together. Don’t let your ideas for Valentine’s Day this year be obligatory or stressful! Make it a goal to make this year thoughtful and intentional!

In my opinion personal and professional opinion, the sexiest, most romantic and/or genuine thing you can do for one another is ENJOY QUALITY (Intentional) TIME TOGETHER.

Here are some unique and thoughtful ideas for Valentine’s Day that involve more QT than traditional dinner reservations:

1. Thoughtful Ideas for Valentine’s Day : Kick it Ol’School

Ideas for Valentine's DayLock yourselves up in your house, turn off all electronics (except for maybe a music player) and play board games; make Hot Toddies; laugh at each other and be silly. This may seem “lame” to our modern standards, but the intentional thought process of spending such un-interrupted quality time, is actually really romantic. Get lost in being present with each other and see what happens when you don’t put any pressure on yourselves!

Ideas for Valentine's Day

2. Thoughtful Ideas for Valentine’s Day : Couples Massage

“Well duh,” you may be saying! “This isn’t original!” Well, here’s the kicker… Instead of spending a bunch of money on a fancy couples massage, (one in which I may remind you, you aren’t even touching each other!) shop around and find your honey’s favorite scent in a massage oil and surprise them with a sexy and sensual home massage, with you as the masseuse/masseur. Maybe even purchase erotic massage cards (more geared toward heterosexual couples) or strengthen your techniques by reading up on some tips for male erotic massage or tips for female erotic massage. Set up a romantic and calming space in your home, even if its a sheet on the bed or the floor. Light candles, play calming music and take turns massaging each other. I’m sure this is a better way to relieve your tension anyway!

3. Thoughtful Ideas for Valentine’s Day : Reminisce

Ideas for Valentine's DayThe actual definition of reminisce is to “indulge in a enjoyable recollection of past events.” How romantic and thoughtful is that? Plan an intention day or night to enjoy a bottle of wine, lay a blanket out on the living room floor and go over past photos, year books, albums, music that spark memories, etc. Anything that inspires enjoyable memories and fun. To complete the Valentine’s Day, maybe order in your favorite meal and relax together.

4. Thoughtful Ideas for Valentine’s Day : Naked Dinner

Surprise your partner by starting their favorite meal in the kitchen, wearing nothing but an apron. I’m sure they won’t even notice you forgot to buy them a card! Have fun together and make it a point to be naked for the rest of the day/night together.

5. Thoughtful Ideas for Valentine’s Day : Listen to Live Music

Take your partner to a random dive bar (or a nice jazz lounge if that’s more your thing) and listen to live music together. Make the night about the two of you enjoying a change of pace and environment, have a martini and indulge a bit.

6. Thoughtful Ideas for Valentine’s Day : Go on a First Date

Ideas for Valentine's DayIf you’re in a long term relationship, then you know the novelty starts to wear off and normal day-to-day routines can be uninspiring. This is normal… and doesn’t mean you are not in love with your partner. It just means, we know each other sometimes too well. Maybe this year, ask your partner out on a first date and enjoy Valentine’s Day for the “first time.” Pretend to be strangers; ask each other the fun questions you would normally ask if you were on a first date; put reservations under false names; have fun being a different person with each other and flirt with the mystery of the unknown. Best part… you get to pretend to have a one night stand afterwards!

7. Thoughtful Ideas for Valentine’s Day : Make Each Other Something

Ideas for Valentine's Day

Have you ever made your partner something? Or maybe you want to finally do X, Y, Z around the house that your partner has been asking you to do for months. Either way, try to find time to intentionally create or fix something for them. Maybe you include their favorite flower or small gift. You don’t have to be an artist or a professional handy-person, but the thought really does feel romantic and thoughtful for Valentine’s Day when you’ve put in the personal effort.

8. Thoughtful Ideas for Valentine’s Day : Order Room Service

Ideas for Valentine's DayWhen you stay at a hotel, you usually order room service, right? This means, you usually eat in bed. Well, you don’t need to be at a fancy hotel to pretend your on a vacation. It’s all about creating the intention and sticking to the fantasy of being away on a trip together. Do what you normally do on vacation; take a nice hot shower together, put on your robes and play a funny movie. Order “room service” (ie. your favorite take out joint) and eat dinner in bed together.

9. Thoughtful Ideas for Valentine’s Day : Speak Their Language

If you’re familiar with Gary Chapman’s 5 Love Languages, then you probably know you and your partner don’t always speak the same ones. You partner may need physical touch to feel love, where as you may need them to do things around the house for you. Whatever your language, they are important. Maybe take the quiz together and attempt to speak each other’s language for the evening.. (maybe even the rest of the week!)

10. Thoughtful Ideas for Valentine’s Day : Go on a Staycation 

We are HUGE FANS of staycations! If your budget and schedule permits, book a hotel room, Airbnb or Bed and Breakfast… even if it’s only 20 minutes away from your home. Stay in the city, go to the mountains… Whatever gets you out of your daily grind! Maybe check out which hotels are near your favorite restaurant so you can walk there or go to a city you’ve never been nearby.

11. Thoughtful Ideas for Valentine’s Day : Snag a Sexy Adventure Box

Ideas for Valentine's DayIf you weren’t a subscriber in August, then you missed one of our favorite boxes! We are running a Valentine’s Day promo from January 14th-February 5th for The Sexy Adventure Box! No subscription required and we ship out in more than enough time for Valentine’s Day!

Use Promo Code:  XXX for 20% OFF your order! Snag your’s before we sell out! The Sexy Adventure Box includes :

Sexy Truth or Dare Sticks
– Bijoux Indiscretes Shhh Blindfold/Hand Tie
– Jo Strawberry Oral Delight Gel (may be substituted for Doc Johnson Strawberry Oral Gel)
– Intimate Communication Activity Card & Instructional Tri-Fold

Relationship Subscription Box : Created by an Expert

Relationship Subscription Box : Created by a Relationship Expert & Her Husband

What is a relationship subscription box and who would benefit from it? How does it work and what can you expect from a relationship subscription box membership?

Relationship Subscription Box

Photo Credit: My Subscription Addiction

Hi there! My name is Alysha Jeney, MA, MFT-C, I am the owner of Modern Love Counseling, and Co-Founder of The Modern Love Box. In my practice, I specialize in all things relationships. Whether it is a new couple wanting to enhance their already great relationship to avoid extreme issues in the future with Preventative Counseling; or a couple who has been together for quite some time and suffer from intimacy issues, communication problems and/or severe ruptures that have caused trust to be broken; individuals wanting to learn how to better understand themselves so they can better open up and find a genuine connection; individuals in a relationship unsure if they are in the “right” relationship; even business partners looking to enhance their professional and personal relationship for longterm success and development. I am a “modern [millennial] therapist” and understand the modern day struggles of dating, sharing vulnerability and finding the right balance in our extremely busy lives.

One day it clicked for me. I came home after seeing a full day of clients and thought to myself; “So many of my couples don’t know how to deepen their relationship or initiate growth. Luckily, my couples are in counseling, doing the hard work and learning to be vulnerable and take emotional risks to better connect with each other. BUT there must be a huge population of couples out there that don’t seek out counseling for this and still struggle with how to grow together; how to deepen their connection and/or how to enhance their relationship for longterm growth and fulfillment.” 

I was noticing how often my couples were under-utilizing “date night” when I would advocate for them to prioritize it. They were often going to the same places; having the same conversations; having sex in the same way. They weren’t really understanding how to enhance that experience. THIS IS THE BASIS OF THE MODERN LOVE BOX! We wanted to create a relationship subscription box that was inspired by my clients and created by my husband and I, to help couples get inspired and motivated to enhance their already great relationship.

relationship subscription box

Photo Credit: My Subscription Addiction

Relationship Subscription Box : The Modern Love Box

The experience our relationship subscription box provides is a modern day spin on what (I believe) most of our grandparents were forced to do when they were dating. They didn’t have the distractions that our culture seems to really struggle with; they had to engage in an “old school” way, in order to learn more about each other and create fun in their relationship. Our relationship subscription box forces you to engage. Our relationship subscription box stimulates your curiosity and pushes you both out of your comfort zones. It creates an experience that is expert developed and longterm relationship approved. Our relationship subscription box is more about the quality engagement, rather than a box of STUFF.

We didn’t realize how many relationship subscription boxes were out there; but when we started The Modern Love Box, we soon realized many of us have a like-minded desire to help couples connect! (Which is awesome!) Although many of the relationship subscription boxes out there are more geared toward a fun date-night, our relationship subscription box is more geared toward quality relationship enhancement.

How does this relationship subscription box work?

Well, in 2018, we decided to change up our model a bit and go to quarterly boxes, instead of monthly boxes. This is helpful because it offers our couples more time to really enjoy their experience and avoid monthly boxes pilling up. Also, receiving a relationship subscription box every 3 months creates more meaning and our couples will hopefully find more excitement when they receive their seasonal relationship subscription box. Read more about how it works, here.

Who would benefit from The Modern Love Box? In my professional opinion, our relationship subscription box is ideal for any couple at any stage of their relationship wanting to enhance their communication, intimacy and overall connection. This box is gender neutral, (meaning same sex couples are welcome).

What can we expect from The Modern Love Box?  “I really like this little date box! I’m big on communication, but I’m also the one in the relationship who does more of it more willingly—my partner isn’t shut-off by any means, but he’s not as apt to gab about all of his feelings and worldly observations as I Relationship Subscription Boxam. But something about this fortune box really got both of us sharing, and sharing deep things, too. I loved the opportunity to spend about two hours or so focused on just the two of us. We talked, we laughed, and we got to know a bit more about what one another wants from life and our relationship. It was really nice to get a little vulnerable and talk about our big dreams for the next year and for our time together.” – Anna Reilly, My Subscription Addiction.

We are going to make some changes in 2018 and will offer more product in our boxes. You can expect 4-5 luxury items, a communication activity as well as a trifold that offers suggestions on how to create and make the most of the overall experience.

Not ready to subscribe? No problem! We also offer our favorite 2017 boxes on our shop that you can pay a one time charge for a single box without a subscription! Use Promo Code Join20 for 20% OFF today!

5 Things to STOP Doing in Your Relationship in 2018

5 Things to Stop Doing in Your Relationship in 2018 : New Years Resolutions to Live By

Things to Stop Doing in Your Relationship: If you’re in a long-term relationship, it’s likely the honeymoon stage is long gone. You love and adore your partner, but with life’s hectic hustle, you often forget to check in with them; connect with them; even have the energy to have sex with them. As a Relationship Therapist running Modern Love Counseling, (and a married person myself), I find these challenges to be extremely common and in fact, really normal.
Here’s the truth… the lack of energy and time to connect with your partner isn’t the issue. It becomes an issue when that state becomes the norm in your relationship and you slowly lose sight of each other altogether.
I’ve compiled a few tips on what to stop doing or avoid doing if you’re in the long-term relationship. Do I hear a New Year’s Resolution coming? (Here’s a hint: YES! These tips are actually fulfilling and all require practicing mindfulness!) Cheers to a new year, a more mindful state of being, and more quality connection with your babe.

1. Things to stop doing in your relationship in 2018: Tip #1

Stop picking at the negatives in each other.

Listen, I get it. There are things about your partner that you wish were different. Maybe they deal with their frustrations differently that tend to cause you both a lot of stress. Maybe they always leave the toilet seat up, or use your toothbrush even after you’ve told them to (f-ing) stop. Whatever their quarks, try to be more mindful of how often you point them out and how little you verbalize your appreciation and love of their non-quarking parts and contributions. You may be surprised at how often you pick at each other and how little you express gratitude… and believe it of not, we are more motivated by praise than criticism. So this may end up being a win win practice!

2. Things to stop doing in your relationship in 2018: Tip #2

Stop ignoring each other.

things to stop doing in your relationship

We all work stressful jobs. Some of us have children, health issues, familial stresses. Life seems to never slow down enough to breathe at times. You may not even realize, but you often ignore each other, in an innocent attempt to cope with your own day. Sometimes, we just need to be alone and have or space to be lazy and zone out. This is healthy– and a necessity! However, try to be more mindful of how often you get on your electronics during dinner, or how often you both don’t engage with each other when you’re in the same room. Are you talking? Are you touching? Do you have any idea how they are feeling at this current moment?  Try to be more intentional about considering your partner’s presence and asking more clearly for when you need alone time so it doesn’t feel neglectful.

3. Things to stop doing in your relationship in 2018: Tip #3

Stop taking your partner for granted.

This is a tough one, because I don’t personally believe we do this intentionally. We may not even realize how easy it is to do, but the reality is… we do it often. We forget that we (ourselves and our partners) choose to be in our lives everyday. They have the choice to be faithful, loving, respectful, and trustworthy. We are choosing to live our lives together in such an innate way and even though it’s easy to forget at times, it’s important to remember and acknowledge. That, in it of itself, is something we can all be grateful for. Show your partner you love them by leaving small notes around the house, randomly hugging them with a verbal affirmation or even gifting a Modern Love Box…. 🙂

4. Things to stop doing in your relationship in 2018: Tip #4

Stop idealizing other’s relationships.

I promise you— we all think about our neighbor’s grass from time to time. We are curious by nature. However, one of the main reasons monogamy is such a difficult concept in our culture, is our ease and accessibility to so many other things (i.e. people). This can clog our ability to really value what we have and to work through things together. The reality is, it takes time to create security. It takes time to create balance and equality. It takes time to work through issues; to enhance intimacy and sustain happiness long-term. This concept is hard for a lot of us who struggle in our relationships because we see how easy it is to not have to work for it if we went elsewhere. things to stop doing in your relationship
But here’s the thing; there is no perfect couple out there. Social media only captures the fun and exciting moments of a couple’s life. This year, start being more mindful of how often you glorify other relationships and do whatever is necessary to stop. It’s only creating a wedge between you and your partner, which is preventing you from having the happiness and fulfillment that you ultimately want anyway.

5. Things to stop doing in your relationship in 2018: Tip #5

Stop pushing your partner away when you need them the most.

This is maybe something you don’t even realize you do, but often times we innately go inward when we are stressed, scared, struggling in any way, verses turning toward our partner and asking for reassurance, acceptance, encouragement, etc. This year, try to be more mindful of how often you need something, but choose not to ask for it. This can be helpful in any of your relationships and can prevent a lot of resentment from creeping up and causing havoc.

Creative Date Night

Creative Date Night Ideas: What To Do & How to Have a Creative Date Night

What is a “creative date night?” If you’re anything like Aron & I, sometimes you get bored. It’s not that you don’t love and adore each other, but sometimes, you feel like you’ve talked about everything; sometimes, you feel like you know everything about each other; sometimes, you stress about coming up with a creative date night, that you get too overwhelmed and just resort to Netflix.

You are normal! It’s hard coming up with stimulating things to do together. Especially if you’ve been together for a long time!

Aron and I have been a couple since 2009 (learn more about our story). We can get complacent in our weekly date nights to the same restaurants. Sometimes we zone out in front of the TV or get immersed in our iPhones. Sometimes, we get so busy that time and energy seem to get the best of us and everyday can feel exactly the same.

Sound familiar?

Well… Clearly, we created The Modern Love Box to support couples nationally in their search for relationship enhancement and a cure for modern relationship boredom. We are passionate about our connection and try our best to consistently date, flirt and connect as often as possible. We have to consistently invest in our relationships!

Here are some of our favorite and most creative date night ideas to help you spice up the romance, bump up your creative date night and boost your quality time!

Creative Date Night #1 : Dance Party!

Creative Date Night : Dance Party! One of our favorite things to do is make craft cocktails and have a dance party in the living room. Sounds silly, but it’s actually pretty fun. Get together and look up some craft cocktail recipes or research some good wine. Pick a night that works for both of you and put “Dance Party” on your calendars. On the night of your party, make cocktails together and take turns picking/playing your favorite songs together. Dance the night away! Be silly, be playful, be romantic.

Creative Date Night #2 : Adventure Walk

Creative Date Night : Adventure Walk Sometimes getting out of your comfort zone and normal routine is really all we need to feel re-energized and excited. For this creative date, you’ll be exploring a neighborhood that you don’t know much about; one that you don’t often go to. Whether you stumble upon it or research it, truck up to a neighborhood and start exploring. Once, Aron & I planned a jog in a random neighborhood. We literally laced up our shoes and drove to a neighborhood we had never been to. It had an amazing path and the scenery was new and fresh. We talked, we laughed, we even ran longer than usual. Afterward, we found a brewery and had a fresh beer!

Creative Date Night #3 : Sexy Scavenger Hunt

As a fun surprise, take each other to a sexy shop and once you get there, go your separate ways. Give each other a budget and find some goodies for the evening to come. One you get home, take turns hiding your goodies all around the house with a little sexy riddle, a memory, a flirtatious compliment, and/or a sexy request. Here’s a perk… at each hidden location, you have to use your sexy goody!

Creative Date Night #4 : Naked Glow in the Dark Hide & Seek Creative Date Night : Glow in the Dark

I used to love hide and seek.. still do actually. I often find myself hiding in random places only to scare Aron just for a good laugh…(I’m horrible, I know). Anyway, with this creative date night you can merge the playful fun of hide and seek with a sexy spin! Go to the dollar store and get a bunch of glow in the dark necklaces and bracelets. Go back home, turn off all the lights and dress down to only your birthday suit. Put on the glow in the dark jewelry and take turns hiding and seeking! If this isn’t a creative date night, we don’t know what is!?

Creative Date Night #5: Sip & Paint Portraits

Creative Date Night : Painting and Sipping

One night Aron & I went to a craft store and bought some inexpensive canvases and paint. We came home, poured ourselves a glass of wine and decorated the living room with lights and candles. We put some music on and set up our canvases to face each other. Together, we sipped on our paint, talked and did our best attempt at painting each other’s portraits.

TOO FUN. We are no Picasso, but we had a blast. (This is similar to our Creative Expression Box!)

Creative Date Night #6 : Exotic Dinner

Creative Date Night : Cooking Exotic Meal

Research an exotic market place near you (example: Asian Grocery Store, Indian Market, etc). Then, research an exotic recipe for dinner and head to the market to find your appropriate ingredients. Head back home, find a Pandora Music station that fits your theme and make your exotic dinner together as a creative date night! Who says you have to go on a fancy vacation to experience culture and enjoy yummy food? Ugh.. Creative date night? I’d say so!

Creative Date Night #7 : Bookstore Expert

Creative Date Night : Bookstore Find a fun bookstore– used, fancy, whatever you enjoy. Take an hour to separate and get lost in whatever interests you. After your hour is up, come back together, get some coffee and share with each other your expert knowledge on whatever subject you just spent the last hour learning about. Your partner may find your new expert intelligence pretty hot….

Hope these ideas inspire you both and are helpful when thinking about a creative date night. Feel free to leave comments, suggestions and/or other ideas! For more inspiration check out The Modern Love Box subscription or Shop!

Your’s Truly,
A & A

5 Examples of Unconditional Love

5 Examples of Unconditional Love

Here are 5 examples of unconditional love that I personally experience in my relationships. Not everyone experiences unconditional love in the same way, and not everyone has the same definition of unconditional love.  It is important to understand what your definition looks likes. as well as understand how you experience unconditional love. It is important to understand where you’ve gathered your definition of unconditional love, as well as understand how it may apply to your relationships. My definition of unconditional love may be different than yours, however, I have highlighted 5 healthy examples of my definition of unconditional love that support you and your partner equally.

I was recently featured in an article from MyDomaine.com. They reached out and asked me questions regarding unconditional love and wanted my take on this emotional phenomenon.

Here are 5 examples of unconditional love from my perspective and form my definition.

Example #1 of Unconditional Love: Letting your guard down

Unconditional Love We have so many responsibilities and play so many roles on a daily basis, that we could use a safe place to just be. When you love someone unconditionally, you feel safe enough to be yourself—flaws and all. On the flip side: If your partner lets their guard down, you are able to witness their authenticity without passing any judgment.

 

Example #2 of Unconditional Love: Leaning on someone when you’re struggling

Being vulnerable is extremely difficult to do—we’re sure you’ve tried it and it just feels like you’re leaving your heart open to be hurt (seriously, we know the feeling). It’s also hard to ask for assistance. If we are experiencing an unconditional relationship, we feel confident in our partner to hold that space for us, to guide us or to protect us without feeling guilty, ashamed, or insecure for needing help.

 

Example #3 of Unconditional Love: Admitting when you’ve hurt your partner

If you can own up to it, it proves to your person that you care about their emotional well-being over your own ego. And this may ring a bell. We love them unconditionally, which means we feel comfortable enough to tell them when we have made a mistake, without fearing that they will rub it in our faces and hold it against us.

 

Example #4 of Unconditional Love: Telling your S.O. when you’re scared

Let’s get real: Most of our behaviors or perceived “negative emotions” are triggered by fear, (even if we’re not always aware of it). If we can admit to you we are afraid of something, we are trusting you with this secret vulnerability. We trust that you don’t look at us any different and we know you love us anyway.

 

Example #5 of Unconditional Love: Having the ability to empathize

Empathy is, quite plainly, everything. You can show your unconditional love for your partner by being able to empathize and listen, even if you don’t understand (or agree, for that matter). It’s all about hearing your S.O. because you know they need it and validating their struggles, even if you think they’re being slightly irrational. We empathize to show we care, to show our partners we are here, to show we can trust you.

Tell us, what is your definition of unconditional love? Have you ever experienced it?

Share with us in the comments.

5280 Magazine Featured The Modern Love Box

5280 Magazine Featured The Modern Love Box : Here’s What They Had to Say

5280 Magazine featured The Modern Love Box after requesting we send them a box. Not knowing what expect, we sent a box and waited to read their senior editor’s testimonial.

If you reside in Denver, you’ve probably heard of 5280 Magazine. One of Colorado’s largest publications, 5280 Magazine covers everything from news, to culture, to lifestyle and music. We can’t even begin to express how honored and excited we were to have The Modern Love Box be featured.

5280 Magazine Featured The Modern Love Box

When the 5280 Magazine article featuring The Modern Love Box was posted, we were nervous and excited to read. Although the editor was not a fan of our candle (hey, everyone is different!) the overall message around him and his wife’s experience was exactly what we intended for our couples!

He writes,

“The box arrived in June, and we promptly ignored it. We were too busy, we told each other. We traveled to Dallas for my brother’s wedding, then to Austin for her best friend’s 30th birthday. Before long, the poor MLB was buried under a stack of bills, work papers, and other life debris—what a metaphor, right?”

After they finally had the courage to crack open the box together, he added, “Before diving into any of the, um, love paraphernalia, the instructions recommended we find a quiet place to talk. Once on the bed (fully clothed!), we were supposed to discuss 10 questions listed on a card also included in the box; she asked me a question, then I asked her the same one. The cards change every month, and this one focused on the theme of comfort: How do you perceive I comfort you? Tell me about a time you felt really close to me. Tell me how you’d ideally like me to initiate connection. I’m not going to go into the details of our responses, because you, dear reader, are a stranger. But the answers were alternatively sweet and revelatory—a kind of compliment sandwich.”

The flattery allowed us to feel comfortable enough to say somethings—deep, previously unexplored things. It was weird. Honestly, I believe we both thought the box would be some kind of joke. An absurdity we could laugh at. Then suddenly there we were, without a trace of pretense, rolling through issues we had never, ever discussed before. I suppose we just needed an opening.”

Although the editor of 5280 Magazine also suggests that him and his wife thought our box would be a “joke,” he confirms that their experience was extremely insightful and surprising. 5280 Magazine featured The Modern Love Box and we thank them for taking a chance and going outside of their comfort zones!

Curious? Check out the “You Make Everything Better Box” he was referring to and get your’s today!

Read the full 5280 Magazine featured The Modern Love Box article. 

5 Tips to Sustaining Romance as Parents

5 Tips to Sustaining Romance as Parents : What you can do to stay connected with your partner.

Why is sustaining romance as parents so important? Well, I can imagine it’s because your relationship has now been lovingly invaded by little people who rely on you for their well-being, which makes romance and intimacy sometimes nearly impossible. Aron and I do not have children. We do not personally understand what it is like to have to commit ourselves to raising children together, as well as balancing our relationship with each other.

Because of this, I asked my dearest friend Holly, to share her experiences with balancing the two most important relationships and roles in her life. From my perspective, Holly and her husband seem to have a healthy balance of quality time together, as well as family time and even after 10 plus years together, they still mange a successful friendship! (I actually introduced her and her husband our senior year of high school and they have been together ever since! Go me!)

To help us better understand how to balance and sustain romance as parents, we asked Holly to share her expertise. Holly is a 30-year-old middle school teacher and parent of a 3-year-old girl. She is an extremely talented writer and often gets featured in articles and blogs.

According to Holly, here are 5 tips to sustaining romance as a parent:

It’s a pretty universal idea that parents are too exhausted for romance, and often for sex. It is almost ironic how a shared experience as special as raising a baby can actually pull couples apart, but it is possible.  It is necessary to connect romantically with your partner after the initial insanity of the first few weeks (or months, however long you need) postpartum.

The first time I had sex with my husband after having our daughter was such a relief. I had been so caught up in breastfeeding, diaper changing, family visiting, plus hang ups about my post baby body: hormone induced acne, fluctuating breast size, stretch marks and on and on. So when he gave me the eye, long past the recommended six weeks, it was a return to at least one normal part of my life from before becoming a mom. Something I knew how to do right. Something comforting that made me feel like myself. It also gave me some reassurance that I was still more than a milk cow!

Don’t be fooled, I am not saying the sex was or is the same. Neither is the time we spend together as a couple. Sometimes our relationship is completely different than it used to be, but we find our way back.

Here are some of our tips to sustaining romance as parents:

1. Find Acceptance & Appreciation

You have to accept that your relationship has changed, but that doesn’t always mean for the bad, it’s just different. By accepting the limited time you will have your partner all to yourself is one of the biggest challenges of having kids. Conversations are constantly interrupted and therefore often limited to the essential “how do we keep them sheltered and fed this week?” At least until after 8PM. Kids don’t sleep when they need to, or when we need them to. They also wake up unexpectedly. By accepting this, you won’t have to fight change as much and you can start appreciating the times you do get together without taking them for granted.

2. Be Creative

Because [children’s schedules] are unpredictable, you have to be creative! This might mean quickies during nap time or in the morning before they wake up! sustaining romance as parents

It may even mean utilizing The Modern Love Box for some inspiration! 

3. Use Humor

I’ve found that humor works well to limit the frustration and help keep things in perspective, after all, we did choose this, right? Try to laugh often and if sex isn’t an outcome, try to just enjoy being playful instead. 

4. Reframe “Quality Time” with Your Partner

The kids always, rightly, come first. They take up literally every second of time when they are awake. Plus, there is work, housekeeping, exercise, bills and the rest of the endless list adulting requires. So, how do you find time to spend with your partner? Easy shared time, like a show you watch together, going on a run as a couple, playing a videogame together, these are not fancy, lavish dates that require immense planning, a babysitter, or money. They are simple and relaxing ways to spend a little bit of time sans kids.

5. Prioritize Date Nights Often.. Without the Kids

Dates are pretty important. We like to revisit a lot of the things we used to do when we were dating without our daughter. We went back to an old, funky movie theater we’d gone to on our first date; we go to small concerts; we paddle board at Horsetooth Reservoir where we’d go in the summer during college. These nostalgic dates serve as a great reminder that we like each other before we were parents, and we can still have interesting and fulfilling lives!

It isn’t ever going to feel like you’re newly dating, well rested, and the world is your oyster again. At least not until the kids are in college and you retire! But you can stay connected with laughter, patience, reminiscing, and creativity!

 

Parents may benefit from The Modern Love Box more than couples without children, simply due to your limited time and schedules. Curious about engaging experiences delivered straight to your door? Start your subscription today and start prioritizing connection in a fun, unique way! The Modern Love Box may offer additional tips to sustain the romance as parents.

7 Signs You’d Benefit From More Quality Time

7 Signs You’d Benefit From More Quality Time with Your Partner

What is “quality time” and why is it important? Well, if you are in a relationship in today’s world, then you understand how difficult it is to balance career, family, friends, hobbies, romance, quality connection, sex, self-care, relaxation, house duties, etc, etc. We wear many hats and we often forget to take them all off and just be. Life is hectic and non-stop. We put a lot of pressure on ourselves to have a great career, to make lots of money, to be a great parent, to have many friends, to have many hobbies, to have a clean house, to manage our life in a way that is seemingly flawless. Finding time to balance intentional quality time for yourself and your partner may seem non-existant and/or few and far between.

It’s hard to prioritize our relationship sometimes because we often allow other responsibilities and pressures to take precedence. When we have too much going on we can forget about what really matters. It can be extremely difficult to find that balance in responsibilities, obligations and needs/desires. Quality time is important because it helps us feel connected to our partner; it helps us feel more grounded and supported, and also helps us feel more attractive and desired.

If you check “yes” to any of these signs, it may be time to crank up the QT with your cutie!

Here are 7 signs that you and your partner may benefit from more quality time.

1. You don’t have weekly date nights with just the two of you.

Kids or no kids. Your relationship needs more quality interaction than just a random night out once every other month or so. If you are parents, I can understand this is easier said than done, but prioritizing your relationship will only make the two of you more fulfilled and will help the two of you work better together as parents. If you struggle with finding a babysitter, start scheduling time when your child is asleep. Turn off the TV and making connection intentional. You don’t need to go somewhere to create a date night at home.

 

2. You feel sex is a chore.

Let’s face it. Sex can fizzle. Desire and romance can fluctuate as your relationship progresses. I have said this before and I will say it again, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you or your partner if you experience this sometimes. It is completely normal to have lulls in passion and physical intimacy, however, sex shouldn’t feel like a chore. You should communicate more about your expectations around sex so you can lower the anxiety and pressure around it. You should also take more time prioritizing quality time so the two of you can feel more connected, (i.e. making sex more enticing).

 

3. You only talk about work, responsibilities and/or children.

If you find yourselves only talking about practical things, then your relationship can definitely benefit from more quality connection. You may find yourselves often in auto-pilot and just talking at each other rather than emotionally checking in with your partner. This may be a sign that you both don’t even realize how dis-connected you are from your own needs and desires.

 

4. You haven’t been on a getaway in over 6 months.

I know, you may read this and think, “We haven’t been on a getaway in 3 years!” If this is the case, don’t worry! I am only mentioning this piece because I think quality getaways are a sure way to promote quality interactions, spontaneity and intimacy. If you are on a budget or have children that you don’t want to leave for a long period of time, try going to a hotel in your city for the night once every few months. A “getaway” does not need to be a lavish vacation, it should just be an exclusive time away from the normalcy in your lives.

 

5. You don’t ever eat meals together.

Maybe your schedules don’t permit this. Maybe you have children. Regardless, if you find yourselves never (or rarely) eating

together, you may need a date night out to dinner with just the two of you to focus on only the two of you. Meal time can be stressful if you’re taking care of others while trying to feed yourself, but they can also be very connecting if you only have each other to distract you.

 

6. You have a rigid routine.

Routines can be helpful (even though I realize they are not for everyone!) Being Type A myself, I create a “to-do-list” every morning. However, if find yourselves in such a rigid routine that you don’t carve out time to be spontaneous and/or flexible, then you both may be craving the desire to be more present and engaged with each other without the schedule. Try to include “connection” on your to-do list and prioritize that daily. It could be a small walk around the block or a quick trip the grocery store, as along as you are making it intentional and it’s not something you normally do, you can boost the quality time daily.

 

7. You find yourselves snipping at each other often.

If you and your partner are “getting on each other nerves” more regularly, it may be a sign that you need more quality connection and less robotic / practical interactions with each other. Being on edge and arguing over little things for a brief moment, may be an indicator that you both may be subconsciously craving more quality time together. You miss each other, but instead of saying that, it’s often easier to get frustrated at one another instead.

 

Remember that your versions of “quality time” are different. I often hear this from my couples. One person’s idea of “quality time” is sitting on the sofa after work and watching a TV show together. While the other person’s idea of “quality time” is having conversations about life and each other’s day at work without any interruptions. Neither is “right or wrong,” however, both parties could benefit from their cups being filled. Talk to each other and ask for examples of how your partner experiences “quality time.” How can both of you find the balance in supporting each other’s versions?

The Modern Love Box was created specifically to support meaningful and intentional connection with you and your partner. No need to leave the convenience of your home. All you need to do is carve out the time and be present. Created by a Relationship Expert and her husband, our boxes are meant to inspire you and your partner to connect in meaningful ways so you can bump up your quality time! Start your subscription today! 

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