Investing in your Longterm Relationship
If you have found yourself curious about our company, it’s probably because you are like most of us in a long term relationship who crave the “honeymoon stage.” When sex, intimacy, conversations and light-heartedness were effortless. Fast forward to now, and you may find yourselves bored and unmotivated, or maybe just stumped on “how to spice things up.” Work, children, hobbies and friends may take priority over your relationship and although you’re still in love with each other, you may often be questioning “where did the spark go?”
If you are in a long term relationship and you often find yourself struggling with bringing back the romance, initiating a “new” experience, or even sparking a more intriguing conversation, please know your relationship is normal. Lulls in passion, intimacy, and overall satisfaction are NORMAL. Let me repeat. ALL OF THESE ARE NORMAL. How do I know? Well, to start, I have been passionately committed to the same person for the last 8 years, despite our own experiences of lulls in our relationship from time to time. I am also a Relationship Therapist and counsel all different types of couples who experience the same things at differing levels and at differing times in their relationship.
Our brains are meant to adapt to our environment for survival, so it makes sense that this also includes adapting to our relationship. We can easily become comfortable, or even stagnant, as this reduces our brain’s risk of perceived “threats.” We like being comfortable.
What our innate and practical brain wiring doesn’t understand, is adapting to our romantic relationship and becoming too comfortable or “stagnant” is a HUGE threat. Maybe not in the sense that our entire race will become extinct or that we are in any serious physical danger, but rather the stagnation can create insecurities or dysfunction that threaten our trust, vulnerabilities and overall quality of our relationship. Yikes!
When we become too comfortable, we become experts at predicting and knowing what will happen in our relationship at all times. For example, we know what to expect the second our partner initiates sex (well, because they have done it the same way the last 942 times); we stop becoming so intrigued by their work ethic and drive,(well because now, it’s just boring to always hear about); we stop getting offended when our partner loudly toots on the sofa (well, because they had Mexican food for dinner). We know what their favorite things to do on Saturday is, or how they like their eggs and coffee in the morning.We know every hair, every scent, every sound… There is no more mystery.
I hate to burst anyone’s bubble, but this level of comfortability is not always a turn on or emotionally connecting! Don’t get me wrong, on one hand this makes for a safe environment, making our relationship a secure space. This can definitely benefit us in lots of ways, as we ultimately want security in our relationship. However, on the other hand, knowing what to expect at all times also makes for a loss of excitement, which can often suffocate our once natural curiosity to discover something new about each other. This is when it can become “threatening” to our relationship because we stop becoming attune to our own needs and desires, as well as our partner’s. We subconsciously settle for the comfortability. We settle for the idea that our honeymoon stage is a thing of the past or only something that may come out on an alcohol induced vacation!
This really comes down to us just needing to become more committed to working on finding the balance.
If we don’t, we run the potential risk of creating deep and devastating issues, that in many cases can unfortunately lead to divorce, separation, wandering eyes, lack of intimacy/passion/respect, insecurities, affairs/infidelities, resentments, chronic boredom, etc. In order to find the balance, we have to make reciprocal exchanges and find areas in which we are lacking, to strengthen together. We have to want to discover more about each other and ourselves. We have to want to put the effort into our relationship and challenge our secure comfortability together.
This natural part (but not always the easiest part) of being in a long term relationship with another human being , is why my husband and I developed There Modern Love Box. We want to help couples out there avoid these potential relational risks and help them learn how to re-engage and enjoy their relationship on deeper, more meaningful levels. We want to help couples build more of that balance together so they can feel even more secure, as well as more connected, (emotionally, physically and intimately).
The beauty of our company is that we offer a convenient and easy way to enhance your relationship from the convenience of your own home. Any twosome, at any stage of their relationship can benefit from The Modern Love Box. All you need is willingness.
All of our products and activities have been handpicked or created by an expert, tested by longterm couples and are shared by one passionate partnership.