Category: Dating

9 Must Ask Questions For Your Partner

9 Must Ask Questions For Your Partner: Why is it important to ask questions and enhance your communication?

Here are 9 Must Ask Questions For Your Partner: Been together for years? Just a few months? Regardless of the age of your relationship, you may find yourselves at times not really knowing what to communicate about. Unless it involves practical day-to-day tasks or work related issues, you may find yourselves in silence over romantic dinners or relying on sex or physical touch to offer you a sense of comfort.

This doesn’t mean your relationship is doomed. Nor does this mean there is something wrong in your relationship. It’s just important to be aware of these missed opportunities to connect differently and gain the tools (such as The Modern Love Box) to help you create different experiences.

Why? Well, because you are investing time, vulnerability, energy and commitment to your partner. Why not commit to growing in your partnership and learning more about each other? It will make your relationship more secure, more comfortable and safer when issues arise and discomfort pushes your comfort zones. Growth in your relationship also helps enhance intimacy and strengthens your bond. So, why wouldn’t you want this? 

One of the most important factors to The Modern Love Box’s philosophy is having engaging, deep and intimate conversations, such as the 9 Must Ask Questions For Your Partner (below). We believe curious communication is just as important as working on your sexual and romantic connection.

Sometimes, we don’t always know how to initiate curious conversations or what content to even bring to the table.

This is normal; this is also why we chose to create The Modern Love Box, because we know how difficult enhancing levels of your relationship can be at times. We also know how common this is.

Included in each box, you both receive a curated experience that leads you to engaging communication and offers something different for you both to explore through products and activities.

Below, you will find “9 Must Ask Questions For Your Partner,” an example of what to expect from our Communication Activities. We suggest taking turns asking each other the following questions. Be sure you are both able to be engaged without any distractions. Be curious, playful, and most importantly honest. Challenge yourself to really think about your answers go outside of your comfort zones by expressing vulnerabilities and emotions. We hope you both appreciate the after effects of your experience once you have both shared your responses to each other.

9 Must Ask Questions For Your Partner: Want to feel closer? Want to engage in more intimate ways, but aren’t sure how to initiate the convo?

Refer to our Communication Activity “9 Must Ask Questions For Your Partner” below as a gentle prompt for furthering your communication and feeling more emotionally connected.

You’re welcome. 🙂 

Must Ask Questions For Your Partner

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5 Ways Your Partner Perceives You as Emotionally Unavailable

5 Ways Your Partner Perceives You as Emotionally Unavailable

Are You Emotionally Unavailable? You may have heard your partner say to you, “I don’t feel connected to you,” or “I wish we would connect more.” What does this even mean and why aren’t you connecting in the way they are requesting?

Well, if you struggle with understanding your partner’s definition of “connection” or don’t fully understand why your partner is requesting more connectedness, you may find yourself feeling really frustrated. At times, you may even start to feel criticized and struggle with not feeling good enough; your partner may pull away from you and may find yourself struggling with what else to do. You hear your partner’s requests, but you aren’t sure how to meet those needs.

Often times, this feedback from our partner isn’t a criticism, but rather, a genuine request at needing to feel closer to you. This is often in the form of emotional connection, which is why it cannot always be clearly defined. Here are a few ways that your partner may be perceiving you as being emotionally unavailable and what you can do about it.

Here are 5 ways that your partner may be perceiving you as being emotionally unavailable:

#1 Your needs are super “simple.”

Maybe you don’t think you have a lot of needs and you would consider yourself pretty “simple.” Why may your partner misunderstand this as being emotionally unavailable? Well, to start, they may feel a sense of closeness to you when they discuss with you their needs and feelings. If they don’t experience you expressing your needs and feelings, they may make the assumption it’s because you aren’t wanting to be emotionally engaged with them. Not that this is wrong on either part, but this may be a sign to your partner that you are emotionally unavailable. This also may make your partner feel “needy” as they have a list of requests from you and don’t feel you need anything from them. You may never match each other’s needs, (this is not the goal), but maybe it’s time to really think about yourself on a deeper level because there may be needs in there that you have either dismissed and/or never identified them as “needs.”

As yourself: How would I feel appreciated, supported, loved, desired, (etc) by my partner? Would they do something? Say something? This can help you articulate it to you partner in a more “emotionally connecting” way.

#2 You aren’t emotionally attune to yourself.

This is a huge indictor that you are emotionally unavailable at times. If you are not practicing emotional awareness for yourself on a daily basis, you may not even realize that you are struggling with connecting with your partner emotionally. By not being emotionally attune to yourself, you can’t fully empathize or meet them on a deeper intimate level. Our partners often need us to sit in our discomfort with us; not fix the discomfort. Our partner often need us to let down our guard and be close to us emotionally. In order to do this, it requires both people to be somewhat emotionally open and vulnerable. If you find yourself unaware of your own emotions or needs, try to practice mindfulness and self awareness to increase your level of emotional intelligence. This will not only benefit your partnership, but always support you in ways you may not even realize.

#3 You feel criticized a lot and react defensively.

We all get defensive sometimes. We all get triggered and find ourselves feeling sensitive about a particular experience. This is normal. However, if you find yourself getting defensive more often than you are unguarded when your partner tries to communicate to you about deeper things, it may be time to re-evaluate why. Your partner may be experiencing a sense of insecurity or rejection if they perceive they can not come to you about emotional things. This can be a huge issue if your partner consistently feels insecure and doesn’t feel they can rely on you for emotional support.

 #4 Emotions make you uncomfortable.

Do dramatic movies make you cringe? Do you feel yourself shutting down when someone cries? This may be because you are so far removed from your own emotions that you struggle with compartmentalizing others in the same way you compartmentalize your own. This may be causing difficulty in your relationship because your partner may want to expose their feelings to you in order to feel secure, safe and intimate. If this makes you feel uncomfortable, most likely they experience you shutting down. This sends them a message that you don’t care (which isn’t the case, you just don’t know what to do!). Try to communicate to your partner that you are listening; you are there with them, but maybe be more transparent in that moment by telling them that you may be feeling uncomfortable and you aren’t sure why. Transparency is really helpful because it clears the air of any assumptions of either of your parts.

#5 You don’t feel vulnerable often… or possibly ever.

If you yourself, never really expose vulnerability, then this is definitely an indictor that your partner may perceive you as emotionally unavailable. Intimacy is created when two people are being vulnerable; this is sexually, emotionally, mentally. If you are constantly protecting your vulnerability, then you never really allow your partner in all the way. If your partner has expressed that they feel disconnected from you or there is a lack of passion in the relationship, it may be because they aren’t engaging with this emotional piece of you.

If you find yourself relating to any of these behaviors, don’t worry, there is nothing wrong with you. You also don’t have to feel pressured to change who you are. If anything, this is helpful content to inspire you to be more attune to yourself and learn more about “what’s under the hood.” Most often I find men struggle with this, but women can also struggle with being emotionally unavailable.

Generally speaking, men process information more internally than women do; women speak as they process information which why they are generally more communicative. Neither is better or worse, but there is a huge difference.

Try to find a balance in your relationship and realize that the healthier your relationship is, the more self aware you have to become.

Self awareness eliminates assumptions, projections and petty arguments. Self awareness creates humility and safety in your relationship; it helps bond you together more emotionally. The purpose of being more self aware isn’t to master it or be perfect at it; the purpose is to let each other in a bit more, enhance your intimacy and learn more about yourselves!

It is in my opinion that we are all emotional beings regardless of gender, but we are often conditioned to express these emotions differently. We have the tendency to misunderstand our partners a lot when there isn’t full disclosure or understanding of one another on a deeper level. This is why your partner may be perceiving you at times as emotionally unavailable, which is often a misunderstanding. try practicing being more self aware and attune to yourself regularly.

Thanks for reading.

Relationship Subscription Box : Created by an Expert

Relationship Subscription Box : Created by a Relationship Expert & Her Husband

What is a relationship subscription box and who would benefit from it? How does it work and what can you expect from a relationship subscription box membership?

Relationship Subscription Box

Photo Credit: My Subscription Addiction

Hi there! My name is Alysha Jeney, MA, MFT-C, I am the owner of Modern Love Counseling, and Co-Founder of The Modern Love Box. In my practice, I specialize in all things relationships. Whether it is a new couple wanting to enhance their already great relationship to avoid extreme issues in the future with Preventative Counseling; or a couple who has been together for quite some time and suffer from intimacy issues, communication problems and/or severe ruptures that have caused trust to be broken; individuals wanting to learn how to better understand themselves so they can better open up and find a genuine connection; individuals in a relationship unsure if they are in the “right” relationship; even business partners looking to enhance their professional and personal relationship for longterm success and development. I am a “modern [millennial] therapist” and understand the modern day struggles of dating, sharing vulnerability and finding the right balance in our extremely busy lives.

One day it clicked for me. I came home after seeing a full day of clients and thought to myself; “So many of my couples don’t know how to deepen their relationship or initiate growth. Luckily, my couples are in counseling, doing the hard work and learning to be vulnerable and take emotional risks to better connect with each other. BUT there must be a huge population of couples out there that don’t seek out counseling for this and still struggle with how to grow together; how to deepen their connection and/or how to enhance their relationship for longterm growth and fulfillment.” 

I was noticing how often my couples were under-utilizing “date night” when I would advocate for them to prioritize it. They were often going to the same places; having the same conversations; having sex in the same way. They weren’t really understanding how to enhance that experience. THIS IS THE BASIS OF THE MODERN LOVE BOX! We wanted to create a relationship subscription box that was inspired by my clients and created by my husband and I, to help couples get inspired and motivated to enhance their already great relationship.

relationship subscription box

Photo Credit: My Subscription Addiction

Relationship Subscription Box : The Modern Love Box

The experience our relationship subscription box provides is a modern day spin on what (I believe) most of our grandparents were forced to do when they were dating. They didn’t have the distractions that our culture seems to really struggle with; they had to engage in an “old school” way, in order to learn more about each other and create fun in their relationship. Our relationship subscription box forces you to engage. Our relationship subscription box stimulates your curiosity and pushes you both out of your comfort zones. It creates an experience that is expert developed and longterm relationship approved. Our relationship subscription box is more about the quality engagement, rather than a box of STUFF.

We didn’t realize how many relationship subscription boxes were out there; but when we started The Modern Love Box, we soon realized many of us have a like-minded desire to help couples connect! (Which is awesome!) Although many of the relationship subscription boxes out there are more geared toward a fun date-night, our relationship subscription box is more geared toward quality relationship enhancement.

How does this relationship subscription box work?

Well, in 2018, we decided to change up our model a bit and go to quarterly boxes, instead of monthly boxes. This is helpful because it offers our couples more time to really enjoy their experience and avoid monthly boxes pilling up. Also, receiving a relationship subscription box every 3 months creates more meaning and our couples will hopefully find more excitement when they receive their seasonal relationship subscription box. Read more about how it works, here.

Who would benefit from The Modern Love Box? In my professional opinion, our relationship subscription box is ideal for any couple at any stage of their relationship wanting to enhance their communication, intimacy and overall connection. This box is gender neutral, (meaning same sex couples are welcome).

What can we expect from The Modern Love Box?  “I really like this little date box! I’m big on communication, but I’m also the one in the relationship who does more of it more willingly—my partner isn’t shut-off by any means, but he’s not as apt to gab about all of his feelings and worldly observations as I Relationship Subscription Boxam. But something about this fortune box really got both of us sharing, and sharing deep things, too. I loved the opportunity to spend about two hours or so focused on just the two of us. We talked, we laughed, and we got to know a bit more about what one another wants from life and our relationship. It was really nice to get a little vulnerable and talk about our big dreams for the next year and for our time together.” – Anna Reilly, My Subscription Addiction.

We are going to make some changes in 2018 and will offer more product in our boxes. You can expect 4-5 luxury items, a communication activity as well as a trifold that offers suggestions on how to create and make the most of the overall experience.

Not ready to subscribe? No problem! We also offer our favorite 2017 boxes on our shop that you can pay a one time charge for a single box without a subscription! Use Promo Code Join20 for 20% OFF today!

Creative Date Night

Creative Date Night Ideas: What To Do & How to Have a Creative Date Night

What is a “creative date night?” If you’re anything like Aron & I, sometimes you get bored. It’s not that you don’t love and adore each other, but sometimes, you feel like you’ve talked about everything; sometimes, you feel like you know everything about each other; sometimes, you stress about coming up with a creative date night, that you get too overwhelmed and just resort to Netflix.

You are normal! It’s hard coming up with stimulating things to do together. Especially if you’ve been together for a long time!

Aron and I have been a couple since 2009 (learn more about our story). We can get complacent in our weekly date nights to the same restaurants. Sometimes we zone out in front of the TV or get immersed in our iPhones. Sometimes, we get so busy that time and energy seem to get the best of us and everyday can feel exactly the same.

Sound familiar?

Well… Clearly, we created The Modern Love Box to support couples nationally in their search for relationship enhancement and a cure for modern relationship boredom. We are passionate about our connection and try our best to consistently date, flirt and connect as often as possible. We have to consistently invest in our relationships!

Here are some of our favorite and most creative date night ideas to help you spice up the romance, bump up your creative date night and boost your quality time!

Creative Date Night #1 : Dance Party!

Creative Date Night : Dance Party! One of our favorite things to do is make craft cocktails and have a dance party in the living room. Sounds silly, but it’s actually pretty fun. Get together and look up some craft cocktail recipes or research some good wine. Pick a night that works for both of you and put “Dance Party” on your calendars. On the night of your party, make cocktails together and take turns picking/playing your favorite songs together. Dance the night away! Be silly, be playful, be romantic.

Creative Date Night #2 : Adventure Walk

Creative Date Night : Adventure Walk Sometimes getting out of your comfort zone and normal routine is really all we need to feel re-energized and excited. For this creative date, you’ll be exploring a neighborhood that you don’t know much about; one that you don’t often go to. Whether you stumble upon it or research it, truck up to a neighborhood and start exploring. Once, Aron & I planned a jog in a random neighborhood. We literally laced up our shoes and drove to a neighborhood we had never been to. It had an amazing path and the scenery was new and fresh. We talked, we laughed, we even ran longer than usual. Afterward, we found a brewery and had a fresh beer!

Creative Date Night #3 : Sexy Scavenger Hunt

As a fun surprise, take each other to a sexy shop and once you get there, go your separate ways. Give each other a budget and find some goodies for the evening to come. One you get home, take turns hiding your goodies all around the house with a little sexy riddle, a memory, a flirtatious compliment, and/or a sexy request. Here’s a perk… at each hidden location, you have to use your sexy goody!

Creative Date Night #4 : Naked Glow in the Dark Hide & Seek Creative Date Night : Glow in the Dark

I used to love hide and seek.. still do actually. I often find myself hiding in random places only to scare Aron just for a good laugh…(I’m horrible, I know). Anyway, with this creative date night you can merge the playful fun of hide and seek with a sexy spin! Go to the dollar store and get a bunch of glow in the dark necklaces and bracelets. Go back home, turn off all the lights and dress down to only your birthday suit. Put on the glow in the dark jewelry and take turns hiding and seeking! If this isn’t a creative date night, we don’t know what is!?

Creative Date Night #5: Sip & Paint Portraits

Creative Date Night : Painting and Sipping

One night Aron & I went to a craft store and bought some inexpensive canvases and paint. We came home, poured ourselves a glass of wine and decorated the living room with lights and candles. We put some music on and set up our canvases to face each other. Together, we sipped on our paint, talked and did our best attempt at painting each other’s portraits.

TOO FUN. We are no Picasso, but we had a blast. (This is similar to our Creative Expression Box!)

Creative Date Night #6 : Exotic Dinner

Creative Date Night : Cooking Exotic Meal

Research an exotic market place near you (example: Asian Grocery Store, Indian Market, etc). Then, research an exotic recipe for dinner and head to the market to find your appropriate ingredients. Head back home, find a Pandora Music station that fits your theme and make your exotic dinner together as a creative date night! Who says you have to go on a fancy vacation to experience culture and enjoy yummy food? Ugh.. Creative date night? I’d say so!

Creative Date Night #7 : Bookstore Expert

Creative Date Night : Bookstore Find a fun bookstore– used, fancy, whatever you enjoy. Take an hour to separate and get lost in whatever interests you. After your hour is up, come back together, get some coffee and share with each other your expert knowledge on whatever subject you just spent the last hour learning about. Your partner may find your new expert intelligence pretty hot….

Hope these ideas inspire you both and are helpful when thinking about a creative date night. Feel free to leave comments, suggestions and/or other ideas! For more inspiration check out The Modern Love Box subscription or Shop!

Your’s Truly,
A & A

5 Examples of Unconditional Love

5 Examples of Unconditional Love

Here are 5 examples of unconditional love that I personally experience in my relationships. Not everyone experiences unconditional love in the same way, and not everyone has the same definition of unconditional love.  It is important to understand what your definition looks likes. as well as understand how you experience unconditional love. It is important to understand where you’ve gathered your definition of unconditional love, as well as understand how it may apply to your relationships. My definition of unconditional love may be different than yours, however, I have highlighted 5 healthy examples of my definition of unconditional love that support you and your partner equally.

I was recently featured in an article from MyDomaine.com. They reached out and asked me questions regarding unconditional love and wanted my take on this emotional phenomenon.

Here are 5 examples of unconditional love from my perspective and form my definition.

Example #1 of Unconditional Love: Letting your guard down

Unconditional Love We have so many responsibilities and play so many roles on a daily basis, that we could use a safe place to just be. When you love someone unconditionally, you feel safe enough to be yourself—flaws and all. On the flip side: If your partner lets their guard down, you are able to witness their authenticity without passing any judgment.

 

Example #2 of Unconditional Love: Leaning on someone when you’re struggling

Being vulnerable is extremely difficult to do—we’re sure you’ve tried it and it just feels like you’re leaving your heart open to be hurt (seriously, we know the feeling). It’s also hard to ask for assistance. If we are experiencing an unconditional relationship, we feel confident in our partner to hold that space for us, to guide us or to protect us without feeling guilty, ashamed, or insecure for needing help.

 

Example #3 of Unconditional Love: Admitting when you’ve hurt your partner

If you can own up to it, it proves to your person that you care about their emotional well-being over your own ego. And this may ring a bell. We love them unconditionally, which means we feel comfortable enough to tell them when we have made a mistake, without fearing that they will rub it in our faces and hold it against us.

 

Example #4 of Unconditional Love: Telling your S.O. when you’re scared

Let’s get real: Most of our behaviors or perceived “negative emotions” are triggered by fear, (even if we’re not always aware of it). If we can admit to you we are afraid of something, we are trusting you with this secret vulnerability. We trust that you don’t look at us any different and we know you love us anyway.

 

Example #5 of Unconditional Love: Having the ability to empathize

Empathy is, quite plainly, everything. You can show your unconditional love for your partner by being able to empathize and listen, even if you don’t understand (or agree, for that matter). It’s all about hearing your S.O. because you know they need it and validating their struggles, even if you think they’re being slightly irrational. We empathize to show we care, to show our partners we are here, to show we can trust you.

Tell us, what is your definition of unconditional love? Have you ever experienced it?

Share with us in the comments.

Welcome to The Modern Love Box! Your longterm relationship will thank you.

Investing in your Longterm Relationship

If you have found yourself curious about our company, it’s probably because you are like most of us in a long term relationship who crave the “honeymoon stage.” When sex, intimacy, conversations and light-heartedness were effortless. Fast forward to now, and you may find yourselves bored and unmotivated, or maybe just stumped on “how to spice things up.” Work, children, hobbies and friends may take priority over your relationship and although you’re still in love with each other, you may often be questioning “where did the spark go?”
Longterm relationship spark
If you are in a long term relationship and you often find yourself struggling with bringing back the romance, initiating a “new” experience, or even sparking a more intriguing conversation, please know your relationship is normal. Lulls in passion, intimacy, and overall satisfaction are NORMAL. Let me repeat. ALL OF THESE ARE NORMAL. How do I know? Well, to start, I have been passionately committed to the same person for the last 8 years, despite our own experiences of lulls in our relationship from time to time. I am also a Relationship Therapist and counsel all different types of couples who experience the same things at differing levels and at differing times in their relationship.
Our brains are meant to adapt to our environment for survival, so it makes sense that this also includes adapting to our relationship. We can easily become comfortable, or even stagnant, as this reduces our brain’s risk of perceived “threats.” We like being comfortable.
What our innate and practical brain wiring doesn’t understand, is adapting to our romantic relationship and becoming too comfortable or “stagnant” is a HUGE threat. Maybe not in the sense that our entire race will become extinct or that we are in any serious physical danger, but rather the stagnation can create insecurities or dysfunction that threaten our trust, vulnerabilities and overall quality of our relationship. Yikes!
When we become too comfortable, we become experts at predicting and knowing what will happen in our relationship at all times. For example, we know what to expect the second our partner initiates sex (well, because they have done it the same way the last 942 times); we stop becoming so intrigued by their work ethic and drive,(well because now, it’s just boring to always hear about); we stop getting offended when our partner loudly toots on the sofa (well, because they had Mexican food for dinner). We know what their favorite things to do on Saturday is, or how they like their eggs and coffee in the morning.We know every hair, every scent, every sound… There is no more mystery.
I hate to burst anyone’s bubble, but this level of comfortability is not always a turn on or emotionally connecting! Don’t get me wrong, on one hand this makes for a safe environment, making our relationship a secure space. This can definitely benefit us in lots of ways, as we ultimately want security in our relationship. However, on the other hand, knowing what to expect at all times also makes for a loss of excitement, which can often suffocate our once natural curiosity to discover something new about each other. This is when it can become “threatening” to our relationship because we stop becoming attune to our own needs and desires, as well as our partner’s. We subconsciously settle for the comfortability. We settle for the idea that our honeymoon stage is a thing of the past or only something that may come out on an alcohol induced vacation!
This really comes down to us just needing to become more committed to working on finding the balance.
If we don’t, we run the potential risk of creating deep and devastating issues, that in many cases can unfortunately lead to divorce, separation, wandering eyes, lack of intimacy/passion/respect, insecurities, affairs/infidelities, resentments, chronic boredom, etc. In order to find the balance, we have to make reciprocal exchanges and find areas in which we are lacking, to strengthen together. We have to want to discover more about each other and ourselves. We have to want to put the effort into our relationship and challenge our secure comfortability together.
This natural part (but not always the easiest part) of being in a long term relationship with another human being , is why my husband and I developed There Modern Love Box. We want to help couples out there avoid these potential relational risks and help them learn how to re-engage and enjoy their relationship on deeper, more meaningful levels. We want to help couples build more of that balance together so they can feel even more secure, as well as more connected, (emotionally, physically and intimately).
The beauty of our company is that we offer a convenient and easy way to enhance your relationship from the convenience of your own home. Any twosome, at any stage of their relationship can benefit from The Modern Love Box. All you need is willingness.
All of our products and activities have been handpicked or created by an expert, tested by longterm couples and are shared by one passionate partnership. 
You’re welcome.
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