Sex Positive Exercises | 5 Things to do to Embrace Sex in a Positive WaySex Positive Exercises : Why it's important to sustain the positivity in the bedroom Whether you are in a longterm relationship or just starting out, you know sex changes; it evolves, it slows down, it's hot, it's cold. Sex has moments of passion, lust, spontaneity and even discouragement. No matter what gender, color, age, sexual preferences or history, we all have cycles in our sexual connection to ourselves and each other from time to time. Sex positivity isn't about aspiring to be an Instagram sensation that seemingly has the "perfect" life, (which by the way, is not the case... no one has a perfect life).
Being sex positive is about empowerment, free choice, and acceptance.When we are positive about our sex life and our sexual selves, we allow ourselves to be open to new experiences without guilt, shame, or obligation. When we take ownership of our sexual selves and when we explore our own inhibitions, we may uncover a lack of trust or insecurity that is something we need to take a look at. Sex doesn't have to look any sort of way. It doesn't have to be labeled as "good" or "bad," it doesn't have to be done a certain type of way or done a certain amount of times per week. Like anything we do in life, we just need to feel positive about it. We need to feel safe and open in order to enjoy the pleasures and connection sex can bring into our lives. Being positive about sex can inspire true desire and intimacy between you and your partner, no matter how long you have been together.
Here are 5 Sex Positive Exercises to help you both individually maintain a positive sexual sense of self, as well a positive mindset around sex and intimacy as a couple.
Talk about Sex.
- Seems simple, but the more you talk about sex with partner, friends, community, etc, the more you may feel liberated of any stress, assumptions and/or pressures that you may be subconsciously holding onto. Talking about sex helps open the barriers of any sexual taboo(s) and helps to normalize them. Sex is a part of our lives, why not discuss it? The more confident you are with communicating about it, the more you'll feel empowered by your own experiences and feelings.
- What about sex feels negative, pressuring or uncomfortable? What about sex do you enjoy? What about sex feels exciting? What about sex do you still want to explore and learn? Try our 62 question Intimacy Guide to reference more valuable questions.
Become aware of what sexual "baggage" you bring into the bedroom.
- We all have baggage! And it doesn't imply something is wrong with you, but rather it acknowledges that sometimes we have obstacles in our life that hinder us from growing. Sometimes we may not even be aware of it. When we become more aware of our barriers, we can embrace personal empowerment by changing it. Maybe you have had sexual trauma; a very strict and/or religious upbringing about gender roles and sex in general; negative past sexual experiences; lack of trust in yourself or your partner; negative body image; etc, etc. Find a therapist that may support you through this process. It will definitely be rewarding in so many ways!
- LET GO OF SHAME, EMBARRASSMENT OR GUILT. They don't serve you anymore and it's ruining your ability to feel fully connected to yourself and your partner intimately. If you don't know how, again, seek out a trained therapist for assistance.
Write down a list of things you are interested in exploring sexually.
- The list can include things you have done, or things you've always wanted to do but haven't. This isn't a list you have to show anyone right away, but it can help with giving theses curiosities some well deserved attention. Maybe explore any negative assumptions or self talk that comes up for you as you write them down. What does it feel like to embrace these curiosities with positivity and excitement?
- What do you need in order to feel comfortable, willing and safe during sex to explore these interests with your partner?
- What fears do you have about exploring these interests?
- What toys, fantasies or desires do you find arousing?
- If you don't know, start researching or discussing more about what others may be into to get some ideas. Porn isn't always the best resource, but can be.
Discuss with your partner how they would ideally like you to "turn them down," without hurting their feelings or shaming them.
- "Rejection" doesn't have to be negative. Actually, by having this conversation, it can be incredibly positive and empowering for both of you. Understanding your partner more can help bridge any gaps of hurt feelings from being rejected in the past. Sometimes our sexual chemistry doesn't line up and we don't have to feel guilty for that, we just need to honor each other with compassion. This conversation can help the two of you feel more empowered to say "no" to sex without the negativity associated to it. Since you do have a choice to consent to sex and you both have discussed this without hurt feelings, it is a WIN WIN.
Restructure your expectations of yourself sexually, as well as sex in general.
- Are your expectations of sex realistic or causing you torment? Maybe list off your expectations of yourself sexually, as well as sex in your relationship and discuss them with your partner. Do they agree? Understanding what sex means to you can be incredibly helpful in achieving a more sex positive attitude, especially if you and your partner are on the same page or are working towards being on the same page.
- Where do your expectations come from?
- Embrace your body. Stop comparing yourself to others, societal pressures and social media accounts. What happens if you found acceptance and beauty in the skin that you were in? How different would sex be if you liked your body and didn't feel insecure in the bedroom?